How to tell children about rape in India?

_100938989_parentsindiarape-1.jpgRecently, two cases of exploitation, rape and murder of children have created a wave of anger in the country.

People are expressing their anger by protesting from different parts of the country. Children are being included in some protests.

When there are so many reports of rape and murder around the house, this problem arises in front of the family so that they should get their children to know about these reports.

Says Sameer Parikh, a child psychologist, Delhi: “When you are explaining something to children, it can not happen at one time, children should tell about the events according to their understanding.”

Nikita Mandhani talked to people in different parts of the country and wanted to know how they explain their rape and sexual abuse to their children.

‘He wants to know whether the whole world is like this’
My daughter is eager to know the new news, initially she wanted to see more news about rap or sexual violence, but it was not possible.

When he was five years old, we started to explain to him that after all what is happening around him. Then, about two years ago, he read about the word Rape in any book and he asked me the meaning of it.

I could not understand him in much depth, but I told him so sure that it has to be tampered with his body parts without anybody’s will and this work is wrong.

My daughter and her friend are disturbed only after the incident with an eight-year-old girl in Kashmir, sometimes she is disturbed, sometimes she asks me if the outside world is really so bad.

He is scared of these incidents, but he is moving towards the age where he will have to get out and face the world. Therefore, it would be difficult for me to always keep someone with her like a guard or to admonish her to wear clothes.

Mona Desai – mother of 11-year-old girl, Mumbai

“How can I tell about the rape without worrying about it?”
Talking about incidents of rape and sexual abuse with your daughters is a challenging task in itself. I want him to trust people. I want him to come out and befriend people, fall in love with someone.

But at this very moment, I feel anxious about her security. I do not care at what time the house returns or what clothes we wear, but still I give him some tips on returning home and clothes on the right time.

That’s my problem. I want to make him realize the reality of the world but without worrying.

He becomes sad with the incidents of rape and violence and starts asking whether all men are alike. I explain to him that all kinds of people live in Samja. It is difficult to believe that this world is beautiful.

Parul Khanna, Chandigarh, mother of a 14 year old girl

‘They should teach no say’
When my children were four or five years old, we started telling them about good touch and bad touch. Apart from this, we taught them how to honor the body of another.

We told them that some parts of the body are private parts and they should not touch anybody else, those organs can not be touched by parents only or doctors can touch while treating them, even in the presence of their parents You can touch the private part.

We also taught them that if they feel misunderstood by touching any person, they are not afraid to say no to them. Apart from this, they tell us this thing immediately.

Even when they are playing with their friends, we have explained to them that if anyone does not like sports, they should not be forced to do so. As a matter of fact, we have taught them not to say

We have also taken special care of what kind of news our children are reading or listening to, and how important are the news according to their age.

Akhila Prabhakar, mother of 8 and 10 year old sons of Mumbai

“They Make Stories of Wrong Touch”
I never talked about raping my seven-year-old daughter, but two years ago I began to tell her about “Good Touch” and “Bad Touch”.

From then on whenever we talk about it, he tells me a new story to touch him wrongly. At first I had a lot of worry but after that I was restless that there was no such thing anywhere. Then I came to know that these children say stories well.

My daughter tries to understand the things I told and tries to keep myself in those situations about which we are talking about. Sometimes it becomes a difficult situation for me as a minister and I do not know whether he can understand these things correctly or not.

I am frightened knowing that such horrific incidents are happening with the girls of my daughter’s age. I do not know how to talk to my daughter on issues like “rape”. I’m scared that if I tell her about the rape, she will see herself joining it with her.

Sunanda Parashar, mother of two daughters of 7 and 2 years, Delhi.

“I took my teenage son to the anti-rape protest”
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For the past several years, we have talked about the role of gender in all of this, along with their son’s consent, dealing with women properly and with violence.

It is very important that our children can get a better understanding. Everyone can learn from all the things that appear on all sides.

But now it seems that the scope is not clear. It is possible that in their adolescence, their brains could not understand the need for acceptance and they would not know how the hormones occupy the body.

That’s why these discussions are very important for us. It is not necessary that we tell them what to do and not what to do. But it also gives them the courage to understand that there are no such incidents around them.

Last Sunday we took our son to the anti-rape demonstration. We feel that it is necessary for him to know that he is not alone, and there are many people who think about him and believe in such beliefs.

Arunabha Sinha, father of a 15 year old son, Delhi

“He should know that he has an important role in the process of change”

I have often talked about some incidents related to rape and sexual violence to my elder son. He sometimes reads the news and that is why I talked about the news and the violence coming in the media and talking about resignation and violence.

I have talked to her on issues of women too. I think that as a high caste Hindu, he should know about these things and he should know that he has a major role in the process of change.

I think my son should be aware of the culture of rape. In today’s time, sexual violence has become a big fear for women living near us and affects everyone’s life and behavior. Sextet jokes and things happen in every home and we should think about how it can hurt.

I do not prevent my sons from watching and watching the news. But I try to convince them that they should discuss issues with themselves and not to talk about them.

Perhaps my kids do not always understand the full meaning of what we are talking about but it is enough for me to know that they should not be treated with such a behavior with their mother.

Sunayana Roy, mother of two sons of 11 and 3 years, Bangalore

(Dalita Punjabi, Punjabi correspondent, Daljit Ami, along with BBC’s Nikita Mandhani for this report)

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