When there is love, there is no difference from the fact that it was not of my country, nor my religion, nor my caste. But now our live-in relationship was broken only a month and I was going to be the mother of her child.
All of my friends seemed to have gone crazy because I wanted to keep this child, 21 year old virgin girl.
I felt like I would go crazy. The mind was so nervous as something bad would have happened. But what was bad was done.
I was 19 when I was with Mustafa. Excepting its small town in the North-East, I started working in the call center in a big city in the other end of the country.
Mustafa was of African origin. He used to fit in a ‘toll, dark and handsome’ category. There was ‘swag’ in it. My young heart was stretched towards him After one and a half year’s friendship and we started living together.
The BBC’s exclusive series # HerChoice12 is the real life stories of Indian women. These stories present the ideas of ‘Modern Indian Woman’ and the options available in front of him, his aspirations, his priorities and his desires.
I am Christian and he is a Muslim We also had love for each other but the courage to think about marriage was not in both.
We were living in the world of dreams where anything seems to be worthless about the future. He had many friends who always used to come to our house. I also laughed at them laughing
I do not know why, in the mind of Mustafa, the suspect started coming home. He felt that I had an affair with his friends and our battles started to happen.
Slowly it became so bitter that our days started screaming and shouting at each other. After all we’ve got a breakup.
I started to be very sad, I used to cry for hours and the effect was also affecting my work. I missed my job
Intent to go back home
I decided to go back home. Wanted to go away from this small apartment and the experiences associated with it.
But all my planning failed when my periods did not come in that month. My fear proved to be true when I came with a ‘pregnancy testing kit’ from a nearby shop. The result was ‘positive’.
After staying with Mustafa this was the second time that I had become pregnant. For the first time I underwent an abortion. But this time …
I called Mustafa and called it in a cafe. When sitting in front of me, he told me why I did not take care.
He counted me hundreds of reasons and tried to persuade the child to fall. Till this, how did he believe that the child belongs to him!
But I was stubborn. When the first child had dropped, it seemed as if I had killed someone.
I did not have the courage to kill my own child again. Not that I did not feel scared. My tears were not stopped.
I was not married and I had no good job. The father of the child was not ready to believe in him.
But at the same time it seemed that God is probably giving me a chance to start a new life.
By now I was living a carefree young life, everyone suspected that I would not be able to observe a child.
I also knew that my way was not easy, but now I had a reason for being responsible. The love of my unborn child was telling me to bring him into this world.
I told my family about it with fear. He knew about Mustafa already but he was very angry after listening to my pregnancy.
He was not so angry with the fact that I am going to become a mother before marriage. Rather than that the child was a black, alien and boy of his caste.
I assured them that I would handle everything myself. They did not ask again for help.
At this difficult time a friend of mine helped a lot. By running the same scooter I used to go to the doctor for medical checkups.
Sales girl’s job
To start my own expenses, I started working as a sales girl in a shop. Meanwhile, Mustafa kept trying to persuade me, but my decision was firm.
On the day of delivery my friend took me to the hospital and took me to the hospital. An hour later my child was born from the caesarean operation.
When I sensed, the child was in the lap of my friend and the doctor was standing with me smiling. I was very happy It seemed to be all right.
Mustafa also came to the hospital in the evening. He raised the child in the lap and called his friends and told them that he had become the father of a son.
I was surprised to see Mustafa so happy. But she was still unable to dare tell her family about this.
He talked about starting a relationship again. He also wanted to give Muslim name to the child. But I refused and gave my child the Christian name.
I could not believe in the Mustafa. A few days later my mother and her cousin also came to me. Now I was not alone.
Next year, Mustafa returned to his country from India and then never came back in my life.
Now I am 29 years old and my son is six years old Is going to be. This was very difficult but I grew up and I became fearless.
I feel free to tell people that I did not get married and I have a son. I also tell him that if someone asks the name of his father, then he should say Mustafa.
I have no regrets on my decision. I am happy My son lives in my mother’s house because I am making a career here.
Now sing songs in parties and events. I am trying to secure my son’s future by collecting money. She is a very cute child.
My relationship with Mustafa has ended forever but it will always be special. From this relationship I have learned to live.
I am trying to go ahead and forget everything. I want to love again. Marriage too But do not hurry.
If destined, it will also happen.
(This is the real story of a woman from Northeastern India based on the conversation with the BBC correspondent Sindhuasini. Name has been changed on the request of the woman, Producer of this series is Divya Arya.