#HerChoice: When my husband left me, I learned to love myself

_99774968_4_padma_illustration1.jpgThat night when my husband came out of the house, I felt as if my world was devastated.

The sound of that devastation was not heard anywhere, replaced by a terrible silence.

I was looking at the pictures and memories standing with my 10-year-old daughter who we had been together in the last 17 years.


These stories present the ideas of ‘Modern Indian Woman’ and the options available in front of him, his aspirations, his priorities and his desires.

I tried to talk to him many times, but every time he gave the same answer that our marriage has ended.

They did not tell any reason, neither did they have any regrets.

Later I came to know through his friends that he is in a relationship with a woman working with him.

To say those things, ‘going to be stunned’ is not a good word. I did not want to live anymore. I eat all the medicines together


Maybe I would die, but I know how I got saved. I had never imagined her life ever before, I had never thought of anything before my marriage.

I could not see my love with any other woman. I did not want to accept this truth.

I was not ready to share my life partner with another woman.


Started hating herself
I was surrounded by jealousy and sadness. I was cursing that woman, while I forgot that my husband also had the same contribution in it.

I also understood that this did not happen at all in a moment. Many past memories started moving in my mind and I started adding them one by one.

I started looking at myself and thought that I am not beautiful nor do I earn more money.

‘You are my lucky person to get’, it changed to me like this, ‘It is my misfortune to come into my life’

‘You are very beautiful’, it has changed, ‘You are not fit to live with me.’ I started feeling like a villager in front of their urban girlfriends.


Most love
He said to me, ‘You do not even come to speak English, who will keep you on a job?’

I was not only falling in his eyes, but I started feeling low in my own eyes. I started feeling that I am not worthy of them.

I handle every single thing in the house, buying things from the market and taking care of the sick of the house, I handle all the work.

They stopped taking me out, neither in a party nor in a dinner, nor in any social function

The person who loved me the most, was abandoning me, while trying to get away from me. Gradually, the love between us went away.

When I realized the end of this love, I started trying to get it back, but could not succeed, and one night she left the house.
After all, I got ready to divorce with mutual consent
To save the relationship …
After leaving home, he started living in another house and I continued to stay in the same house with my daughter and in-laws.

It is not that my in-laws wanted to keep me there, just expecting them that they would return after staying there.

On every door knocking on the door, I used to run and see, but sometimes there was a face of a courier or a servant who would get frustrated.

I had devoted my whole life around him, my age had passed in this. This time was not a new beginning.

To protect my relationship I thought many times, I would fight myself. My daughter was very young to understand my condition.

Divorce application
For all these reasons, my health started getting worse. I wanted to put my head on his shoulder and rest.

I would feel their need, I want the wounds he had given me to put on him. He filed a divorce application in the court.

I fought the case between all the difficult situations. It took me three years to understand that the relationship I am trying to save is dead.

I am doing all this for the person who has no existence in my life. In the end I was tired.

I bite the tired courts, answer the questions of lawyers, and raise legal expenses.

After all I got ready to divorce with mutual consent.

Friends gave the courage and became ‘single mother’
I accepted my new identity, ‘divorced’, a surname which is not seen with respect in our conservative society.

I was 39 years old at that time. The first challenge for me was to find a new home. I had to face many questions like, where is your husband?

What do they do? I was not prepared for these questions. I did not want to go to those old bitter memories again. My friends helped me get out of this.

He came in my life like an angel. They gave me courage and prepared to be ‘single mother’. all this It was not so easy.

My husband got married with his associate immediately after getting divorced. Whenever I saw them together, my wounds would be green again.

To save new memories …
My parents died in the same difficult time. There were only two things left in my life, my job and my daughter.

I began to focus on my career and gradually started climbing the stairs of corporate houses. I started to read and write my thoughts as blogs.

I have engaged myself in my favorite hobby ie ‘writing’. Instead of cooking for my husband, now I started cooking for my friends.

I started parties, went on a short trip and began to draw photos to save new memories.

To fulfill the lack of my husband, I started making friends with the virtual world i.e. social media.
I do not need anyone today, I have become a self-sufficient woman
Learned to love yourself
This virtual world made me realize how big the world around me is.

My loneliness started fading away from the words and comments coming to my posts on Facebook.

I got involved with an organization that works for poor and orphans, I got very positive energy.

Once again I started living my life, I started feeling the strength of my strength and I completed my Ph.D. too.

Whatever had gone from my life, I started to get back all those moments.

Instead of feeling ashamed, I started visiting people and going to weddings. Not only that, I started wearing beautiful saris.

New life in new city
I wanted to give a direct answer to those people who thought that a single divorced woman should always be unhappy.

Such people used to make my eyes bigger by looking at me, but this increased my eyesight and more.

I made my own house and traveled to many countries on the office trip.

Four years later, I had to make a big decision. In connection with a new job, I had to leave my town and go to another place. I decided to move to a new city.

I was born again as an independent woman. Today I do not need anyone’s shoulder.

I can go alone, with full confidence, even if the darkness is so dense!

(This story is based on the life of a woman living in South India, which the BBC correspondent Padma Meenakshi spoke on. On the request of the woman, her identity has been kept secret. Producer of this series is Divya Arya.

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