She had lied before her husband But then he understood his profit and loss. This time it seemed that I was going to leap into blind buds.
Then the issue was something else. I had told my husband less than his paycheck, so that I could deposit some money and stop him from blowing money in liquor.
It was known that how many would be hit if caught. The eyes will swell, there will be pain in the intestines, there will be some traces on the waist. But it was comforting that he would not be able to get the money deposited in the bank’s fixed deposit.
This was explained by Madam. Opening an account in Verna Bank and collecting money Where is the bus of a girl raised in a village like me?
Madame had told about what he was going to do today. But the heart was coming to the mouth. This time my body was at stake. And had heard that there could be death even in this operation.
#HerChoice 12 is a special series of BBC based on real life stories of Indian women. These stories present the ideas of ‘Modern Indian Woman’ and the options available in front of him, his aspirations, his priorities and his desires.
But now life too started to die. I was 22 at the age of 40.
The body was thin but not young. The bone structure was left empty. There were black pits under the eyes and on the face there was a lot of restlessness in place of innocence.
If you walk, it seemed that the waist has also leaned slightly. And this was only that which was visible to everyone. Whatever scattered in, his screams resounded in my ears only.
In the beginning, I did not even think anything wrong. Married at the age of 15 and got married and came to the city. If the husband came home from work, then I would need a bed after eating.
Only need I was just a body whose feelings had nothing to do with it.
But there was more than expected. Mother said it was the same.
It was fine even there.
Then came the first daughter.
Then the first beat
Then he drinks alcohol for the first time
Then the whole anger got out in the bed.
Then there was another daughter.
Then he left the job.
Then I started working.
Then there was the third daughter.
‘My life was linked to the son’s wish’
Beat me up, earn money from my money and use my own body, like the devil in bed, all continue. But I’m quiet All this happens with a woman. Mother had told me
For the fourth time when I was in my stomach, it was 20. When madam (whose home I used to work) dumped my body again, got upset with my body.
Asked, will you be able to create? So blood is in the body? I said, will be.
What would this woman think of my life in the big house? I had to bear all this till the son was born.
The advice and help to deposit money in the bank was one thing, but it could not explain the underprivileged of the family.
I used to think that all would be silently. Nobody knows that I am from the stomach, my body does not change, my life’s story will not bring it to the crossroads.
I was sure that the son would be all right then it would be fine. The wretched chain of blows, wine and bedding will be broken. And this time the son happened!
‘But did not stop torture’
When the nurse came and told this to the hospital, I started crying. Due to the pain caused by 10 hours and the nine months of weakening in the body, it disappeared in an instant. But then … nothing changed. The ill-fated series continued.
Now what was my fault? Now I had also born son. But my husband probably had a habit of becoming a devil.
My body was very broken. Should not be again with the stomach, this fear continued to haunt everyone.
One day my Madam asked me to see my lifeless face, to change one thing, what would change in my life? I gave a laugh. I never thought about your own wish or had someone ever asked me.
But do not put a laugh at the speaker Well thought. A week later, to Madam, my answer was ready. He had forgotten that until then
I said that I do not want to become a mother again, but I do not know how to stop her husband. I tried to explain. There are no money to feed four children, they also said. But the bed does not leave him. I do not care about my weak body. And when the responsibility of the children is not taken, what is the fear?
Then Madam said, take operation of sterilization. This is in your hands. Whether you can not stop him in the night, at least being pregnant will save himself.
I did not know anything about this. Many days passed. I had a lot of questions. When Madam was tired of answering, he gave a clinic address.
There were more women like me there. They found out that the operation of the sterilization is done quickly, but if something goes wrong, then it can also go away.
My parents left me for their love relationships
After months of unrest, after lying alone with the husband and the children, the clinic came in the brain.
But I was tired. There was also fear and frustration too. It was dangerous to do but it was expected that at least after this, one end of my life was going to be in my control.
Then my operation happened. And I did not die. It took some days, weakness, pain But now everything is fine.
It’s been 10 years. Now I am 32. I never became a mother again. My husband did not even feel anything strange
His life is still being cut off between drunken, assault and bed. Maybe it does not make any difference.
and me. I am doing what I have to do. Cleaning of children in Madame’s houses, children are getting older due to the money received.
Can not leave the husband Mother had said that. I can not change his habit. That’s why I have used her habit.
Everything else is comfortable, if he did not keep, I kept my little guess.
My operation is my secret. It’s a problem. There was a decision that I just did for myself.
(This story is from a woman living in North India, whom BBC Dialogue Divya Arya has said. She has been kept secret on the request of the woman, the producer of this series is Divya Arya.