#HerChoice: I left the bully in the bed

_99951325_ill1.jpgI felt like that night would not have passed. My head was bursting and I was constantly crying.

When I was crying cry My husband was sleeping at six o’clock in the morning. Last night’s question. He asked, “So what did you think? Your answer is yes or no?”

I did not understand anything. After all, she said, “You go to office today. I will call you by the evening, I promise.”

He threatened, “Okay, I’ll call you at four o’clock, I want the answer and yes, I want the answer in it, or be ready to face the punishment at night.”

From punishment it meant ‘anal sex’ He knew that I was very painful to him, that’s why he had made it a way to ‘torture’.

Until nine o’clock, both he and his elder sister had gone to the office. I was alone in the house. After thinking about hours I phoned my father and said that I can not live with him anymore.

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The BBC’s exclusive series # HerChoice12 is the real life stories of Indian women. These stories present the ideas of ‘Modern Indian Woman’ and the options available in front of him, his aspirations, his priorities and his desires.

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I was afraid that the father would be angry but he said, “Pick up the bag and get out of there.”

I took my ‘original credentials’ and a book and ran towards the bus. She said to her husband, ‘My answer is no, I am going to my house’, and the phone has switched off.

After a while I was in my house among my dear ones. I left my husband’s house in two months of marriage. My husband, sahil Which I got in the last year of graduation almost three years ago from today

She was very cheerful. I liked staying close to it and just fell in love with me. We would go roaming, talk to the phone for hours. Life was a little overwhelming, but these pink romances did not last long.

 

Gradually, I began to feel that this is not a similar relationship, which I wanted. This relationship was becoming like what my mother and father had. The difference was so much that the mother did not say anything and I could not stay silent.

Papa screams at her mother about small things, raising her hand. Mummy just keeps crying If there was a debate with Sahil, then he would come to the shock and try to come closer. If I refused, then screams screamed.

Once she asked me, “Good tell me, if I ever raise my hand on you …?” I was surprised. Barely disarm his anger and say, “I will be separated from you on that day.”

He said to the tactic, “It means you do not love me. There should not be any condition in love.” After that, our colloqument remained closed for almost a month.

Slowly the battles started to grow. Many times I tried to finish the relationship but every time she used to apologize.

I wanted to remove myself from Sahil forever, but I do not know why I could not do that. Meanwhile, the pressure of marriage was being made to me. I had become a teacher now. I was in class and the phone of my parents was coming.

The same thing happens on the phone every time, “What do you think about marriage, do it only with Sahil, do not do it with your boy’s boyfriend … Think about your two younger sisters … etcetera etc?

If there was anything wrong in the house then it would have been linked to my marriage. Mummy’s health has been bad because I am not getting married. Papa suffered a loss in business because I was not getting married.

 

I became so worried that after all I have filled for marriage. I was not ready even then and Sahil’s promise, that he would not do any such thing which caused me pain but did not even have faith.

After my marriage, my fear started coming true and it started coming out. Sahil started dancing on his gestures like a puppet.

I was fond of writing poems. I used to share my poems on Facebook. He banned it. I could wear the same clothes that she wanted.

I remember once he had said, “Take up the job of your studies till night. Do not keep me happy if I will go somewhere else.”

He used to say that I can not make him happy. Therefore, listening to porn gives permission to learn something. And then he became fond of becoming a hero on his head. He wanted to leave Mumbai and go to Mumbai.

He said, “Stay here and do the job and send me money. Then I will buy a house with a loan in your name.”

That’s why he wanted me to. To listen to ‘yes’ that night, he pushed me on the bed and pushed me to try again.

Just exceeded an extent. The next night I left my husband. I was a read-a-girl, I could earn myself, could live on my own. However, when I left Sahil’s house, I felt as if my liver was coming to the mouth.

 

The society was afraid and even the loved ones. But the accumulated pain in my chest was greater than this fear. I came to my house surrounded by parents and two sisters. My hair was scattered and my eyes were swollen due to crying overnight.

Two months after the marriage, when the girls come to the maiden, their faces are different. But my face was frozen.    Neighbors are smart Eyes did not delay finding the truth.

Those who came to my house got tension All were saying, very bad with us. Some people were hoping that Sahil would come back to take me back.

Some said that such a small reason should not take such a big decision. The more mouths, the more things But these things could not change my decision.

It has been seven months since I left Sahil’s house and now I am deciding on my own path. I have received fellowship, I am doing a job and studying together also.

With all these, the police stations and the courts continue to be moaning because the legal process of divorce has not yet been completed.

Even now, I get up and down a little while after sleeping and sleeping. Even now I have nightmares. I have not forgotten what happened to me, but I am still trying to move forward.

 

My trust with relationships and love is staggering but it is not broken. I have thought that I will give myself at least three years. During this time, I will spoil my whole love myself and will strengthen myself.

I am concerned that I am not silent, do not kneel, but at the end, this relationship has been broken. That is why I believe that my coming tomorrow will be better than my past and present.

(This is the real story of a woman living in the western part of India, which is based on the conversation with the BBC correspondent Sindhuasini. Name has been changed on the request of the woman. Producer of this series is Divya Arya.

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